Hello, I'm Lilliana Gibbs
Counselling & Relationship Expert
I trained at the Australian College of Applied Psychology in Sydney and at Ashridge Business School in the UK. I'm a member of the BACP, and my professional development includes Systemic Constellations. I draw continually on the work of John Gottman, Sue Johnson, David Richo, Helen Fisher, James Hollis and Esther Perel — but the biggest influence on how I work has been Dr David Schnarch and his Crucible approach to couples. I've spent ten years attending his trainings and practicums in Germany, alongside a cohort of European couples therapists.
I look at life as a journey toward becoming more truly ourselves: to love and be loved, and to use what we've got to pursue are desires. That takes ongoing self-awareness, and a willingness to keep stretching. My work is all about relationship — to yourself, to a partner, to the people around you — helping you understand your own emotions and behaviour, work through what's difficult, and build something healthier and more resilient.
My own story...
…started in the UK in 1957, the second of five children. At thirteen my family moved to Jakarta, where I spent an unconventional adolescence.
As an adult I made Sydney home, and worked in film and television. Personal development work ran through my life from early on — individually, and later with the father of my two children.
We sought help from several counsellors along the way, but it was David Schnarch’s book Passionate Marriage that genuinely changed how we both understood relationship. We worked through some hard years and learned real skills — and, after nearly twenty years, we ended the marriage, and managed to do it well.
My ex-husband remains a precious person in my life; we were able to process the loss, reflect honestly on our history, and each find new love. That whole process was the catalyst for the biggest change in my life: I trained in counselling, and soon discovered that relationship work was what most engaged and inspired me.
Fifty years after leaving England, I came back in 2007 to build a new life with a new partner. Between us we have seven children and six grandchildren (and counting), spread across several countries — family, in the fullest and most geographically inconvenient sense of the word.
I’m deeply grateful for the satisfying, growthful relationship I have with my husband, and I feel strongly that my work is to keep sharing what I go on learning myself — to help other people love well.
– Lilliana Gibbs